Yesterday Monday January 4th at 9 am my baby Esther was born…at 24 weeks and 5 days. I have seen her about 4 times since then in her incubator and every time I leave her it gets harder and harder. She is going to be breastfed and it’s hard for a new mommy to get going this early but I’ve managed to get a good amount pumped. So far the nurses say she is doing great. She is breathing well without additional oxygen? or without the tube down her throat, which they claim is a great success. Cerebral function so far is going well too. First time I touched her she responded so well to my touch and my voice, she immediately calmed down. Being out of my womb is not only of a discomfort for her but for me as well. New sounds and unknown people. I never want to leave her side.
Up to this point I’ve had faith in God, but I pray that He gives me strength now and going forward, to be the mommy she needs me to be. To not let her down, and be there daily. Provide her with breast milk that will help her grow and develop, and talk and read to her. Daddy is being a great support as well. He visits her more then I do (without me knowing) and keeps me posted with what the nurses say. (I must still have pregnancy brain because I can barely retain everything the doctors/nurses say.) Next week we’ll be attending a support group for parents like us and parents who have been in our position. I hope it will do us some good.
I’ve cried a couple of times, but I think its mostly hormonal. I calmed down after my best friend visited me today. I hadn’t cried since I got to the hospital so I was holding it in. But after letting it out and being to express myself to her and the case worker at the hospital I was able to relax a little more, and the breast pumping came easier. My mother also helped me by providing suggestions as to what kind of approach I should take with the baby. Setting up a routine. I really hope I can get used to this for myself, and for the baby. So that she can grow and develop as she should.
This is more of a log, if anyone has suggestions or comments, PLEASE feel free to share. I would love to hear stories.